Amanda Hocking

I’m writing this post, and I’m angry. I usually try not to write things when I’m angry, but right now, I don’t care. I just read this blog – The Gender Coverup written by Maureen Johnson, and now I’m pissed off.

What pisses me off even further, is that I nearly used the modifier “lovely” to describe Maureen Johnson, and it’s not that she’s not lovely, but it makes me angry that my natural inclination to describe her wasn’t “friendly” or “smart” or “incomparable” or any other ten million words that don’t have female connotations to it, and I realize once again that I’m part of the problem.

I very rarely weigh in on the issue of gender bias books because I think that if I say something, people will just point that my books suck, and recognition or lack thereof has nothing to do with gender but merit, and maybe they’re right. Not that my books suck, but I do believe that while my books are enjoyable and fun, they aren’t the stuff the of literary of awards, which is perfectly fine with me.

So this isn’t about me. This isn’t about whether or not I’ll win awards, because I won’t. I was reviewed in the New York Times, and that’s already more than my fair share and more than many much more well written books by female authors can hope for. So I’m not complaining about me or for me.

But I’m sick to death of this. I am so sick of the constant, blatant sexism. And any time any one points anything out as being sexist, they’re accused of “whining” or “nagging” or “not taking a joke.”

From the Steubenville rape trial to the obituary of Yvonne Brill to the fact that more women read books than men, more women write books then men, but only a small fraction of books that win literary awards are written by women. Women are the publishing industry’s bread and butter, we are the backbone of the damn entertainment industry, but we are constantly demoted to “fluffy” to “light” to “meaningless.”

From a very young age, I knew that “girly” meant inferior, so I avoided it like a plague. I played with action figures, not Barbies. I caught snakes and toads in my yard. When I first started developed “crushes” on boys, I was enraged at myself, because “crushes” and “kisses” were girly, and therefore inferior, and I shouldn’t want that.

For years, I have probably been part of the problem. Instead of standing up for the girly things I did like – like the color pink and glitter and teen romance novels – and pointing out that’s its perfectly okay to like these things, that there’s never been anything inferior about glitter, and most people of both genders hope to fall in love – I dismissed them and surrounded myself with the “boy” interests that I do have, wearing Jurassic Park and Batman and Star Wars like armor, listening to Korn and Marilyn Manson in high school to prove that I wasn’t some girl, I was as tough and as valuable as any boy.

Most of my life, I’ve spent apologizing to the world for being a girl. A really big and important event happened in my early twenties wherein I had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide. And that was terrible and horrible, but it was after that I realized that I needed to learn to accept myself for myself. That I’d spend enough of my life hating myself for the things I couldn’t change, and at the very top of the list was the fact that I’d always hated myself for being a girl, because in my mind, it made me inherently weak and inferior. Having emotions – particularly sadness and love – are associated with the feminine, and I spent a great deal of my life trying to stifle them as a result. Every thing feminine about myself I tried to change, to “correct.”

I’m not transgendered in anyway, because when I actually allow myself to I quite like being a girl. I like shoes and dying my hair and the color pink and guys and tattoos and Batman and comic books and horror movies and romantic comedies and wearing jeans and action figures, because oh my god, I’m a whole person with whole interests, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of them. 

There are of course other issues contributing to the self-loathing, and I didn’t hate myself just because I liked Jonathan Taylor Thomas or My Little Ponies. But these were symptoms of a larger problem, one that was constantly reiterated to me by every form of media. Everything female is inferior.

I don’t know how to change this, but I know this has to stop. I may be a terrible writer or an inferior human being or a horrible person, but none of that has to do with the fact that I’m a girl, and nobody should ever feel the way did. Kids today deserve better from us. They do not need these constant subtle reminders that they are inferior.

The first step is acknowledging that it exists, and that there’s a gender gap in nearly every form of industry in the country, and the second step is top stop buying into it. We all need to stop feeding it and buying into it.

It’s less than a month until Tidal comes out, so I’m basically going crazy at this point. I cannot wait for you guys to read it.

I’m doing a Watersong Book Club over at Wattpad where I’m discussing the first two books in the series, so if you want a refresher or have questions or want to check out other bonus info, stop by Wattpad. Also, the first several chapters of Wake and Lullaby are up there, along with all of the short story Forgotten Lyrics.The latest update on the bookclub is Character Inspiration – Daniel.

I just finished up edits on Elegy, the last book in the Watersong series, so it’s fun and a bit strange to be doing the book club now, and going back over the beginning of the series. All the pieces really come together in the end.

When I finish a book, I always expect there to be a sense of pride and accomplishment or sadness and emptiness at leaving the book and its characters behind, particularly at the end of the series. But almost every time, I feel nothing. Not like “numb” nothing, but like… just nothing. I mean, I love writing, I love the world and characters, otherwise I wouldn’t spend so much time there, but when I’m done, I’m just… done.

For me, writing is the same as having to pee really bad. Like holding-it-for-the-last-hour-of-a-really-long-car-ride bad. There is an intense urgency and immediacy when I write, like I need to get it all out this second or the world might end.

And then there is something very satisfying in the act of the writing (much the same way there is in peeing after holding it for a really long time), but then when I’m done, I don’t feel proud or sad. It’s just something that I had to do, and I did it, and now I’m moving on.

That is best analogy I have ever come up with on what writing is like for me. It’s like a biological function that I need to do in order to exist, and while I enjoy it most of the time when I’m done, when I’m done, I’m just done.

With Tidal‘s release only six weeks away, I thought a fun thing to do would be to do a kind of interactive book club for the Watersong series. People who have already read the series can have a bit of a refresher for the newest book comes out, and for new readers, it’s a great way to get involved with the series. Plus, I just thought it would be fun.

I talked it over with people about how they thought it would be best to do a bookclub, and they suggested Wattpad. It has a great community of readers and writers over there, plus it offers an excellent way to post excerpts. You can go check out my profile there now: http://wattpad.com/AmandaHocking The first 8 chapters of Wake are up there, along with the first 16 chapters of Lullaby, and the entirety of the short story Forgotten Lyrics.

As the weeks go on, I’ll be posting fun facts, behind the scenes stuff, bonus content, and sneak peeks of Tidal, as well as answering questions and talking with readers. So if you’re a fan of the Watersong series, please check out the book club and comment.

All this week, I’ll be focusing on the first part Wake and commenting on the excerpts that are already up. I’ll be adding different things each day, so be sure to stop by every day. And since I have ridiculous sleeping habits, I’ll be responding throughout the day and night, as I stop in to check things out.

Also, Wake and Lullaby are now out in paperback (they were only in hardcover and ebook before), and Lullaby also includes the short story Forgotten Lyrics, which is the only way you can get it in print. (It’s currently up at Wattpad if you want to check it out and you’ve already gotten Lullaby).

So let me know what you think of all this, and I hope you join in. 

I’d planned on writing a blog this week to talk about Wake and Lullaby being in paperback, as well as a few other things coming up. Then the bombing at the Boston marathon happened. And then the factory blew up in Waco. And then the MIT shooting and the incidents at Watertown. And everything about my books felt trivial and unimportant. 

But the reality is that I need to talk about my books because 1) I enjoy writing them, 2) Some people enjoy reading them, and 3) I want to continue being able to write books and have people read them for as long as I possibly can.

So here’s what I’m going to do: On Monday, I’m going to tell you about my books and what’s going on with them (including a book club going on over at Wattpad). But for now, I’m going to leave links of where to donate money to help those effected in the recent Boston tragedies as well as the Waco explosion.

I’m also going to encourage everyone to help as much as they can. If you can’t afford to donate, and if you’re too far away to volunteer to help, then volunteer somewhere locally or simply try to be kinder and nicer and slower to anger. People are hurting everywhere, and every little bit – every tiny bit of happiness and love and generosity that you can pay forward – makes all the difference.

As Patton Oswalt so succinctly and wonderfully said, “So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, ‘The good outnumber you, and we always will.'” 

Here’s some ways to donate to help Boston:

• The One Fund Boston
• Razoo features several online fundraisers in support of Boston Marathon runners
• Jeff Bauman, who lost both of his legs after the blast and helped identify the suspects,
• Roseann Sdoia, a marathon spectator who had one leg amputated below the knee. 
• Celeste & Sydney Corcoran, 
• Christian Williams and Caroline Reinsch 
• Rose Mahoney
• TUGG (Technology Underwriting Greater Good), a project of the Boston technology community, has set up a fund in support of victims. All donations will go to the Red Cross, the Boston Children’s Hospital, and other groups working with victims of the explosions. Donate here.
• The RYOT Foundation has set up a Boston Marathon Victims Fund to support victims and their families.

 
Here’s some ways to donate to help Waco:

• Red Cross
• Waco Foundation
• The March of Dimes in Texas is taking donates of baby formula and diapers. Call 254-741-1025 to donate
• To donate supplies to displaced pets, go to www.facebook.com/HumaneSocietyCentralTexas 
• Also, here’s a complete list of places to donate blood in the Waco, TX area: here

I don’t have a very long list of places to donate to in Waco, so if anyone has any additional suggestions, please say so in the comments, and I’ll try to update the blog and add them.