It’s nearly five a.m., and instead of doing anything productive, I’m trying to watch every season of Weeds. I’ve made it a third of the way into the third season in the past week, so I’d say pretty good at wasting time.
But for reasons that aren’t clear, while I was watching Weeds, I kept getting more and more upset about the ending of Labyrinth. I’m about to Spoiler Alert if you haven’t seen it, but I think that’s fair, since you’ve had like 25 years to watch it.
Why does Sara go back? It doesn’t make any sense. Yes, David Bowie is an abusive boyfriend, and I’m not necessarily abdicating that she stay with him (even though I totally would – I am in no way a role model, people).
But clearly, she fit in better with the Labyrinth crowd and made a buncha swell friends. Plus, that whole frickin place was magic! MAGIC! I bet they had a unicorn somewhere. Or David Bowie could get her one. And sing awesome songs.
I get the rescue Toby part. And Toby’s a baby, so he should go back home. But let’s send him back home, and let the Goblin King worship and love you. Or at least hang out with the fantastic British worm and Ludo and Ambrosia. And the head throwing things.
I don’t even know what the moral of the story is. Something about… I don’t know. Jim Henson basically preached be kind and be silly. Those were his big morals, and the screenplay was written by Monty Python alum Terry Jones, who pretty much only preached be silly.
So why wouldn’t Sara stay in the silliest place of all? It’s clearly the best place.
Her choice to go home is completely mind boggling. It’s already been made clear that her father and step-mother don’t really care about her that much. I guess she has Merlin the dog, but Toby can play with him.
And she’d prefer the company of Hoggle over Jareth? (No offense, Brian Henson.) Yeah, right. I mean, I dig Hoggle, but in a battle between Hoggle and Jareth…
Whatever. It just doesn’t make sense. It’s clearly an incorrect ending. Like the original ending to Pretty in Pink (yeah, like Molly Ringwald would pick Duckie over Andrew McCarthy. *insert eye roll here*)
You know, my whole life is six degrees of Monty Python, but that’s a story for another day.
But right now, I’m leaving you with this lovely clip of David Bowie singing “Dance Magic Dance” from the hit film Labyrinth. And at about 2:31 seconds in this video, you’ll find out why my band is called the Fraggin Aardvarks, if that fact has been keeping you awake at night.