In my life, I’ve felt like I’ve accomplished things sometimes. I put together my desk. I painted the living room. I wrote a book. I held my breath under water for ten seconds. (You read that right. Ten seconds is an accomplishment to me.)
But here’s something I’ve never done: Made a person.
On Wednesday, my very good friend Kalli had a baby. And not just any baby, but the cutest, chubbiest, fanciest baby to ever grace the planet.
It’s the most fascinating thing in the whole world to me. I haven’t had much experience with pregnancy or babies. Not because I don’t like them. They just…. weren’t around me, I guess.
But it’s so hard to fathom. I know people have babies all the time, and it’s not that not rare of a thing.
My mother had a baby once (me), and then spent a good deal of her life trying to have another one, but she didn’t. On bad days, she’d complain of how easy it was for some people to have babies and how some people took them for granted. This made her very, very upset.
I grew up where babies were constantly talked of and alluded to but never really existed. Since I was about five years old, both my parents have been very vocal about wanting to be grandparents.
Since my parents were often trying to conceive a child (but never did), they bought me books at a young age to explain pregnancy and babies and all that. So I’ve always understood how it works. The whole baby grows in the belly thing.
But to actually see it is totally insane. Something grew inside you, and then it’s a whole other person. I don’t know. It’s surreal.
Other people have actually had kids, and I can’t imagine what that’s like. It’s mind boggling. It’s honestly incomprehensible to me.
And yes, I am bringing the magic miracle of Kalli’s baby and my surrogate niece (I get to be an aunt by love, not blood or marriage – I win) around to my books.
Most people don’t agree with Mae’s reactions in Flutter, and I expected that. Some people just don’t get them. They don’t understand how she could be so extreme.
I grew up with a mother who wanted nothing more in the world to have babies, and she could only have one. And she loved me, still does as a matter of fact, but I saw firsthand what it’s like watch someone ache for children. And it’s a far different and far greater hole than I’ve seen any other love create.
When all you want is a child, you will cling to any last shred of having one. And there is nothing you won’t do to protect them. Its been said before but nothing in the world compares to the love of a mother for her child – or grandchild.
And why shouldn’t they? Babies are the most bizarre and magical beings on earth.
Amanda Hocking
Johanna says: